Everybody has at least one — a difficult coworker who simply drives others crazy. It might be an Interrupter (the person who talks over you), The Drop-In and Stay (camps in your office or cubicle to stop you from working, The Credit Stealer (“Oh, you mean I didn’t come up with that great idea?”.
So, we can’t get rid of them (another always pops up when one leaves), so let’s have a little fun. Here are the first five of ten songs, and/or song titles that have special meaning when applied to those annoying colleagues.
1) Do That To Me One More Time (and I’ll break your geeky pencil-think chicken neck), by the Captain and Tenille. Ok. the chicken neck part wasn’t really in the title but it should have been. In fact it’s oft said that both the Captain and Tenille should have had at least something done for actually singing the song. So, it fits.
2) Idiot Wind by Bob Dylan. Good title, better lyrics that serve as a multipurpose song fitting of any annoying colleague. A short refrain:
Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your mouth,
Blowing down the backroads headin’ south.
Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your teeth,
You’re an idiot, babe.
It’s a wonder that you still know how to breathe.
3) Whinin Boy Moan, by Van Morrison. Again, great title, good whinin based lyrics, and a great song. It tends to get stuck in your brain though, but if you’re having a really bad day with a colleague, try humming this one, or running through the lyrics below:
Well let the whinin boy moan
If you don’t know how to do it yourself
Let the whinin boy moan
If you don’t know how to do it yourself
‘Cos he can do it better, better than anyone else
Whine, whine, whine, whine
4) I Shot The Barber (and I’ll do you too, if you don’t get out of my cubicle) by Dr. Alimantado. Ok. The real title is just I Shot The Barber. It’s from his Best Dressed Chicken In Town album. Still and all sometimes you want a little bit of menace, a little sense of danger, even if you’re only fantasizing about doing a coworker in. It’s great reggae.
5) Poor Poor Pitiful Me, popularized by Linda Rondstadt but actually written and recorded (way finer) by the late Warren Zevon (before he was late) is probably the ultimate song to sing to yourself when confronted by the woe is me coworker who’s place in the universe is soooo central that it’s just about all he or she can talk about. This is primo stuff. Ok. It’s so good, and often so fitting, cue it up whenever the pitiful soul enters your office. Carry an mp3 version around in case you encounter the pitiful soul at a restaurant or washroom. Think he or she will take a hint? Here’s a snippet:
Well, I lay my head on the railroad track
Waitin’ on the double e
But the train don’t run through here no more
Poor, poor pitiful me!
Bonus To Fight Back With: You want to get even? Want to wash that difficult colleague right out of your hair? Get a copy of Seasons In The Sun, by Terry Jacks from 1974, and play it whenever your difficult annoyance is in ear shot. But make sure you have ear plugs. This is by far one of the worst songs ever released, and it is responsible for a considerable amount of mental illness. 1974 was a terrible year for music. It’s a wonder we still know how to breathe.
Ok. There’s five more slots to fill. Let’s hear from you. Leave a comment, poor poor pitiful you.
