I originally just glanced at these, and didn’t realize they aren’t all that funny. Oh well. There’s something to be learned from these. I just don’t know what it is.

On this day I will look at my past mistakes and project them onto the future.

Today I will create a crisis situation so I can feel really alive.

I have a right to be physically unattractive.

I will make spiritual bankruptcy my goal for the day.

I have a right to change people into who I want them to be.

Today I will belittle those around me as I’ve been belittled in the past.

Extreme mood swings are my goal for the day, as they are so invigorating.

I have a right to seek revenge on those who have hurt me, and so today I’ll
begin to intricately plot against them.

Today I will surround myself with unhealthy people so that I may feel
superior to them.

Today I celebrate the fact that my underdeveloped sense of identity allows
me to fit into a wide range of situations.

Today I will only do things for which I receive very clear approval or
applause.

My choices are limited; therefore, I must rigidly stick to the plan I have
outlined for myself.

Today I will start a project only so I can later abandon it because of my
perfectionistic standards.

Today I will lie in bed and wallow in self-pity.

Today I will purposefully fuel someone’s worst fears.

While in conversation today, I will practice keeping a mental inventory of
other people’s stupidity.

Today I will practice playing the victim with my friends and coworkers.

This year I will save money by not buying birthday cards for anyone; I will
tell everyone their card must have been lost in the mail.

Today I will hoard something I was denied as a child.