The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Handling Difficult Employees, released in June, 2000, and written by Robert Bacal is written for people who work with difficult employees. While the book presents solutions from the manager’s point of view, the principles and realities presented in the book are sure to help anyone stuck with working with a difficult employee. Coming in in excess of 300 pages, it is a hands-on practical guide, with just enough theory to help you make intelligent decisions about how to handle those difficult people.
We’ve provided some chapter excerpts and table of contents for your convenience.
Ok, hands up out there. How many of you have chosen not to take action with a difficult person when you should have? How many of you have reacted to a different person in an angry or nonconstructive way? You with the book in your hand—why isn’t your hand up?
Everyone has done both of these things at some point or another. There’s no shame it that. However if you consistently repeat the same mistakes over and over and end up paying the cost by becoming a victim, that’s not a good thing.
So, why do you do it? And, why is it important to know? Because if you don’t know what it is about difficult people that causes you to make poor decision, it isn’t likely you will be able to change. If you don’t change, you are going to be a consistent victim.
There are four main reasons why people make bad decisions, avoid taking action, or take the wrong actions. The first three have to do with avoidance, while the final one is a biological reason that has to do with our initial gut reactions to difficult people and our feelings of threat. Let’s look at these one by one.
This Won’t Work!!
If you lack self-awareness of your own reactions and why they occur, you are not likely to be able to deal well with difficult people. Oddly, the first step in learning to deal with the difficult is to examine yourself.
It’s important that you look at yourself to identify which of the four (or perhaps all four) reasons are relevant to you. If you become more aware of the reasons why you sometimes choose victimhood, you will be better prepared to make better, more rational decisions.
Disbelief (This Can’t Be Happening)
Ever been in a situation where you’ve said to yourself “I can’t believe she said that”? Probably. One reason we fail to take action with difficult people is we don’t expect them to be difficult. Most normal people don’t go through life looking for trouble from others. When trouble arises unexpectedly, or someone’s behavior is simply outrageous, we have a tendency to freeze, like a deer caught in the headlights[md]stunned. We are at a loss for words, almost disbelieving what is right in front of us.
Not only can we freeze up in the immediate moment but sometimes difficult behavior is so weird that even after the fact we don’t believe it really happened. Or we deny it or excuse it as a one-time aberration.
From the Manager’s Desk
Believe it! Even the best of people do difficult, hurtful, and unpleasant things. Don’t pretend it isn’t happening. If you do it may just get worse.
Do you do this? If so, you need to realize that people do hurtful, difficult things and that they are indeed real, and are happening. And that to deny what is happening is only going to make the situation worse.
Desire To Avoid Confrontation
Even if you recognize that someone is being nasty, difficult or unpleasant, you may hesitate to act because you think this way. If I say something, it’s just going to make the situation worse.
Sometimes that will be true. There are cases where making a big deal of something that is, in the grand scheme of things, rather trivial, will have you come off as a difficult pain in the butt yourself. And then an argument will happen.
Or perhaps you know that the difficult person argues about everything, and you are tired of it.
There has to be a happy medium here. I don’t suggest that you jump on every little thing. However, if you ignore and ignore, all you end up doing is painting a “kick me” sign on your rear end.
Recognize that dealing with a difficult person in a constructive way doesn’t have to mean getting into an argument or a confrontation. Later in the book, I’ll talk about how do approach difficult people so it’s less likely you will make the situation worse. Try not to let your dread of confrontation interfere with taking control of difficult situations.
Nobody Wants To Be The Bad Guy
The third reason people tend to wait too long to intervene with difficult people has to do with not wanting to come across as the “heavy.” This is particularly true of managers who are sensitive to the need to use power sparingly in today’s workplace.
Get over it! You get paid to manage so manage. Whether it’s someone not doing a good job; someone interfering with the work of others or someone polluting the work environment, you, as a manager have a responsibility above and beyond those who are not managers. You are, in effect charged with ensuring the welfare of those in your care.
Insider Secrets
Employees look to managers and expect them to take action to correct difficult situations. For example, if you allow one employee to make life difficult for another, there’s a fair chance that the “victim” will come to blame you, even though you aren’t directly involved.
Besides, just as intervening need not bring about a confrontation, stepping in need not make you the bad guy.
The Fight Or Flight Thing
The final underlying reason for mishandling difficult situations is the “fight or flight” phenomenon. It’s biological—all animals have it. It works this way. When you believe you are under some threat, your body reacts by sending hormones and doing a bunch of other things to prepare your body to either run away (escape, or take flight), or to stand and fight.
It’s those chemical changes in your body that cause things like sweating, higher pulse rate, and even shaking during or after perceived danger.
Unfortunately, those chemical changes, while allowing you to make a quick escape, or a quick fight, also cause those quick destructive verbal responses. So, if it’s any solace, there is actually a biological reason why you might speak or react too quickly when dealing with a difficult person.
Fortunately, we aren’t slaves to the flight or flight thing. We can learn to control ourselves, and even to react less aggressively when we are in difficult situations. Later on in the book, I will help you with some techniques for slowing down reactions, and avoiding the fuel on the fire syndrome.
